I felt weird they were both staring at me waiting for the scoop on how your vagina felt.
It's sore actually
I'm hoping to finish this bottle of wine before I pass out, I don't want the remainder spilling on my white down comforter.
Seriously? He's going to use MY birthday sex as the opportunity to ask if he can pee on me?!? I let him, but wow talk about selfish.
I feel like I just tasted lung cancer.
I like to think I'd be good at dodging genitalia.
I'm dressed like a deranged cupcake. Let's get fucked up.
Dude she said she'd let me snort a line off her ass now I just have to wait for them to break up
I just remember looking over and seeing you on top of him and us high fiving. That's when I knew we'd be perfect roommates
It's like your tits told gravity 'fuck you, I'm fine right here!'
you can't tell me not to come to work cause roads are bad then ask me an hour later to come in and expect me to be sober
I woke up naked and only wearing cowboy boots, wrapped in a curtain that was still attached to the pole
YOU HAVE PISSED AND FUCKED ON LITERALLY EVERYTHING IN MY HOUSE
Not everything, just a few things. And only a few times. The odds are really not all that bad when you break it down.
you’ve pissed every time you slept over. there’s no such thing as odds anymore. it’s guaranteed
Those thigh tattoos deserve the handsomest of grins between them. Dont settle.
Its 7am I'm awake still drunk, there is food, random clothing and road cone in my room. I can't decide if this is a failure or a success???
I never thought I'd be judging my neighbors sex lives before age 30 but here we are
Randomize
