is it considered a "problem" when you find a pickle slice in your bed in the morning or is it like a "super-awesome bonus"?
i should write a book entitled 'the joys of being sexually objectified'
gave myself the "you're a really good girlfriend" talk on the way to where i intentionally cheated on him. i am my own drunken therapist.
I can't wait to find out the true size of his penis! Please maintain enough sobriety for an accurate report.
I just banged that chick from the bar by speaking french. all i had to do was recite my grocery list
he's measuring my pool to see how much jello powder he needs. He got paid today.
Cuz last time you told me I was going to be shocked about something you got a hand job from a stripper in canada
he might be the rich husband I pretend to love for the rest of my life!!!!
I would let Bear Grills repel down a waterfall using my dick if I could go to sleep right now.
You said that we all need to "head out like a boner through sweatpants and get fucked." Jager night was a success.
Fate is real! that hot chick, Megan just showed up dressed as jasmine and I'm dressed as Aladdin this is going to be cake
I'm going to take a nap so I don't feel like a stripper sneezed in my mouth tomorrow morning at work.
I mean there are things broken right and left, I woke up surrounded by dog statues, and we had a vodka bubble bath.
I got the job! The hiring manager is the sister of a guy I slept with so its like I'm a real adult now
That sounds worse than that time you thought out an entire story of how big bird would kill you
Randomize
