Fun fact of the day the average american will consume 13248 beers in their lifetime.
So for us it's double that?
Precisely.
you asked the janitor if you could ride his floor cleaner.
I knew it was going to be a good night when i heard another girl call his dick "Thor's Hammer"
we couldn't find any funnels so we taped a spaghetti strainer to a pool noodle and it worked fairly well
If you get me so fucked up I can't use the microwave , I'm going to be so mad at you
the number of desperate girls at the gym right now is unfair. it would be cruel not to let one blow me.
I broke the girls bed. I will not apologize about bragging.
Drunk and alone at a magic show is what my life has become without you
I just smoked by myself in my childhood bedroom, how happy does it seem I am to be home for Christmas?
Figured out how to triple bathroom speed at #lollapalooza.. Girl squats, guy 1 goes between her, guy 2 uses urinal. Your welcome.
So i know i said I'm turning over a new leaf, but i met a guy with a dick piercing. I have to sleep with him. For science.
Just renamed the subject of my sex list on my phone "grocery list" just in case anyone comes across it
Thanks for being my best friend so I can use you as an alibi to my family while I'm out getting some dick in my face.
"Here let me wipe my uterus off your dick" was probably the most unsexy thing said after period sex. I should get an award
Do you think it would be weird to wear a shirt that says 'big fun small package' from an ex for a first date?
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