yes because when i jack off the first person i think about is christina applegate
this ugly chick literally cried last night because i wouldnt let her give me head
You deserve yourself a blunt and a build a bear.
i ran around the party telling everyone that my favorite sexual position was also the only position that made me queef...i kept calling it the "double edged sword"
Dude I still wanna know who I had sex with on new years eve
Woke up with my foot jammed into a VCR
My printer just jammed because one of the condom wrappers I threw when we had sex in my dorm
I literally just wielded a katana to save a child's life. What did you do today?
Boys DO look like their dicks. Its like dogs.
I wish there were birth control emojis
I sent him a picture of my boobs instead of saying good morning. I'm trying to tell him how I feel in a language he'll understand.
Oh and no more ball pics to my family. Got in a little trouble over that. They have no sense of humor.
True love is when you jack off and continue talking to the girl you like
Why do you text me weird shit like this?
You've been dating this guy for a month now and as your best friend I have to complain that I still don't how big his dick is.
The neighbors ahemed the WHOLE time. Their kids are the ones that scream loud enough for me to remember my birth control. It's payback!
Randomize
