Nice 2 c u showing ur bro some affection
My last google search last night was 'vodka swimming pool'.
Cool, so I just walked in on my grandfather checking his prostate in the kitchen.
Got hit on at a funeral service by cougar. I think I just got Reverse Will Ferrell'd.
Woke up this morning to my mom on the phone with my dad saying, "It's probably just your prostate." Reasons to move out. Go.
her boyfriend dumped her for my exgirlfriend. so filming our hookup is pretty much a definite.
Fucking finally I'm about to die from sobriety over here
I mass texted 4 of you for a booty call. Please reply all when responding so only one of you shows up. Last one is a rotten egg.
FYI, grandma is already drunk and using a bed sheet as a table cloth.
The sex was so bad. I kept sending people snapchats of my face during it.
i have a raging boner for Saturday, day drinking is one of my top favorite things right next to alligator wrestling and blowing shit up
I literally have nothing else left to cut besides my drug budget; the dark days are among us
Thought about it. I'm gonna go to work, but I'm gonna tell them I wrestled a bear saying I fell just isn't working.
That was the night I realized I need to grow up and stop eating mushrooms with strange 40 year old men in convertibles.
I learned so much in Pittsburgh
I think I fucked someone on the flight home last night.
Randomize
