so i slept on a park bench last night...no hobo
my text book just quoted the cookie monster
He's crying and calling me out on using him. It's awful. And I'm too drunk to leave.
My mind hurts. I feel like I drank sand yesterday.
First and foremost she's my friend, but she's also a mistake I make when I'm drunk
surprisingly organic peanut butter is not the best chaser
You haven't lived until you've watched a retriever try to bring back the condom you just threw in its master's garbage
i don't knpow whats goin on i think theyre sacrificeing me to th tequila gods
I just spilled my beer on a five year old. She's crying but I can promise you I'm more upset.
I legit feel like I had sex with Joey Fatone. Is that weird?
Just found out that the guy I lost my virginity to voted for Gary Johnson. It's almost more upsetting then him ending up being a massive asshole.
I was fingering her and they busted into my room demanding to know who the best running back was, before I could say anything she moaned and said "Barry Sanders"
i'd like to schedule a penis for 4pm please.
he's single and there are thong briefs.
We free pour in this house. Measuring alcohol is for the weak
Randomize
