big game today.. looking forward to seeing that magic win, and then i will celebrate with a nude dip in lake Eola.. anyone else in??
Now that the fun of having an iPhone has worn off I find that using screen as a coke tray is by far my favorite app
Going abroad, it was like my vagina was in a candy store... a sweet sweet british candy store
I don't know how many crown and cokes he went through but I know it was more that I have fingers. We are never leaving Texas.
I'm going to make him fall in love with me one blow job at a time.
He was sitting at the table eating ice and said, "I'm pretty sure everyone in my family has nipples."
I planned on emotionally scarring him for life this weekend. DAMN YOU PERIOD!
Yeah, first time I've shit my pants in my twenties... I'm thinking about putting it on my Facebook timeline
It's that time of night again when I start to think I'm really funny, but no one else is as drunk as I am so they all start avoiding me.
There's a certain feeling that only comes from wearing pearls to hide hickeys
Apparently I showed all your grooms men my vagina to prove I did not have underwear on. Awesome
I'm bringing home frosties. I need to talk about butt stuff.
Woke up to I'm AWESOME written in purple crayon all over my walls. I love drunk me
but dude how did I get so drunk?
Pretty sure it happened right after you poured a shot of Wild Turkey into your Budweiser, chugged it, and screamed "I. NEVER. BACK. DOWN!"
my roommates are pretty pissed at me. they sent me out for ice and i came back with a kitten.
Randomize
