If immigrants and dwarves find love, why can't I?
yeah well you didnt even puke from the alcohol. we cut you off and went to huck finn's and told you that the "irish cream" coffee creamers had baileys in it, so you shot down like eight of them and puked all over the floor. it was great. we cheered you on and everything
yea and when she crawled to her room she yelled at a bookbag to "get the fuck out my way"
i may or may not have just grinded on your dog thinking it was my boyfriend
There are 3 guys sitting in the elevator in lawn chairs wearing sunglasses and holding beers. the hallway rugs are stuffed in a trash can. i've never been so glad to be sober.
She just came to my house, with puke in her hair, to wake up my dad and scream "happy fathers day you DILF!" at the top of her lungs
Now you know for the next time you go in the basement to wear a helmet
Who the fuck did i sell my right shoe to last night i need to get that back im not walking with one shoe on
I finally got out of bed at 8:30pm and my little brother informed me that I had cereal stuck to my back. I'm going to smoke a cigarette and go back to sleep.
I'm happy I peed in your laundry basket last night
Not my lover. I would rather lose all my teeth, and I fucking love my teeth.
So we'll go out later for condoms and cake batter... aka grocery shopping for champions.
Getting so old my power naps are turning into, "can I reasonably just go to bed at this time?"
You tried to fight someone about spaghetti o’s?
That hungover.
I ate her out and told her she tasted like pumpkin pie. She screamed that she hated pumpkins and started to cry
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