Dude I wish you were here. I'm innthe back seat and it looks like outer space and everything feels like rice. idk. wtf.
You passed out and she managed to carry you all the way back to your dorm last night. I believe your testicles now her property.
My mom just set up beer pong in the dining room for family game night. and you ask why I'm still living at home.
This is the high leading the old right now
I wanna give a stern lecture to whoever invented pants cause they are hard right now
i've eaten like 19 popsicles... what the fuck have you done today?
The party got hot, we all started raging, took off some clothes, someone threw me in the shower and we all kept raging. Nude Rager, I was there at the point of conception.
Simple math equation: Up till 5 a.m. drinking + up at 9 a.m. for nephews birthday party = puking in the pool
Not saying puking on the side of a cab was how I imagined freshman year of med school but...
He showed me his scar from his appendix surgery. It was educational and fun....
ROB LOWE. SO BEAUTIFUL. SO DOUCHEY. SO HARD TO SPELL HIS NAME WHEN DRUNK.
I only get hit on by people going through their midlife crisis. Yes, I did purposely write that gender neutral.
I got titty fucked last night and you're breastfeeding your newborn. Clearly we have gone two totally different paths since 2011.
you tried to drunkinly do the backflip kick off of karate kid and broke the big screen
Is it disrespectful or patriotic to pole dance on an american flag pole?
Randomize
