i was just lookin through my fb pics and i think im with a cat in like 40% of them..: how sad is my life
Sam from lord of the rings is 10 yards away from me, i am creaming myself.
He passed out while I was riding him, and just when I was about to call it quits he opens his eyes and squeezes my boobs and goes Honk! Honk!
like a sex slave...but with a better dental insurance plan
And at least you didn't have a dinner of Ranch Pringles and Double Stuff Oreos. I forgot that part of being single.
You almost hooked up with 200lb woman in her mid-forties, because you were convinced she was adele. Your drinking problem is officially out of control.
I seem to have forgotten that I am wearing a one piece bathing suit under my clothes
The problem is drunk me is completely unaware how poor I am
Imma need a double jack on the rocks and a BJowsky from the hot bartender.
Yes I said BJOWSKY. Pronounced "buh jow skii".
I think weed is turning my hair brown
I found a video of us drunkenly yelling "we wanna be the Pope" as we passed around the blunt
how do you politely tell someone their toddler looks alarmingly similar to the berries and cream guy
Never thought I'd see the day when I got assless chaps in the mail, and yet here we are...
he told me he wanted me to go see his cat. apparently i was more interested in playing with his cat then having sex.
Oh, did your mom say anything else about my butt?
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