my fart just smelled so bad i acutally gagged
just because you are now my girlfriend does not mean you can text me nasty shit
I hope whoever gets these locks of love doesn't have a drug test anytime soon
I love memorial day. It's drinking in the name of patriotism. God Bless America
I'm sorry about your car but on a brighter note I did wake up in my dorm. That's something right?
Fuck you.
you smelled like vodka, i think that's why my grandma liked you
I want to do something romantic. Like gargle champagne before I put your dick in my mouth.
Trust me at the end of the night there will be queso smothered places you didn't think it could be smothered
High-fiving last weekend's hook up in passing on the way to class has given me quite the lady boner.
My balls are resting on a block of frozen cheese in a sealed bag
And at the semi-adult age of 25 I have shit my pants. Not even drunk, just really late to work. Is this real life?
Giant stained glass jesus is judging my black pleather pants
I woke up naked and surrounded by M&Ms
How do I let my trainer know I'm only at the gym so I can get in more intense sex positions?
I just spent 30 minutes plucking my 2 month grown out pubes with tweezers so I’m hope your night is going better than mine
I lost my wolf penis dildo in my garage. I should probably find it before I resume my garage sale tomorrow...
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