and unfortunately for you, hallmark doesnt make a "sorry i was getting a blowie in the backseat of your car while you were driving, projectiled my jizz onto your hand, and caused you to crash" card
I told him I don't date guys unless they play a musical instrument. So, he's here and he brought a kazoo.
We did naked snow angels in 14 degree weather, you can't tell me you had more liquor at that party
the ball fondling will be left out of the trip recanting
Just realized Ive had sex in or around each thing listed in Green Eggs and Ham besides the fox.
THIS CHICK IS LIKE SOME SORT OF HOOKER HOUDINI.
Just got smoked out by my boss. Working in politics is great.
I have suspicion of morning wood.
How are you unsure as to the current state of your penis?
Got to work this morning and thought... Did I really dance on that pole last night
Now that it's over, I can finally say it and not feel bad,dude. Her mustache is better than yours.
"Nobody needs to know that I have a vibrating butt plug and nobody needs to know that I'm probably gonna start wearing it at work"
I just got a snapchat of a flaccid penis with the caption "happy belated valentine's day." What did I do to deserve this
Note to Self: Never again eat a weed brownie by yourself two hours before a tornado warning in your exact location.
What. The. Fuck.
You'll have to be more specific. I do a lot of "what the fuck" kind of stuff
Our sex from this weekend should be engraved into a plaque or commemorated somehow. It was fucking amazing.
Randomize
