we were having sex in the shower and he dropped me. try explaining THAT to your concerned little brother
Note to self. Never fart in a tanning bed
you sent me the whole alphabet, one letter a text. it took 15 minutes to read them all
I just made what I can safely estimate to be a 900 calorie pb&j. Fuck a serving size.
There aren't nearly as many guys masturbating on chatroulette as i was led to believe...i feel cheated
this isnt the person you just texted but i have her phone. she disappeared when the bacon came home and she hasn't returned since.
He moved away. I mourned his dick all of Sunday. I feel a little better now.
my host sister just stared at me as i knocked over the lamp, then took out all my chocolate, walked into the bathroom, and locked the door. i'm officially the worst exchange student ever.
But today feels so special with katie getting herpes and me cleaning my room. Good things are happening.
The worst part about getting "creative" and by that i mean baked is that i just wanna get laid right now and all im doing is eating nachos
My ex-fiancee UPS-ed me a sixer of tall boys, and a fifth of bourbon for christmas, from halfway across the country. What does this mean?
At this point in job hunting, I'm willing to become a leather daddy if it means some sort of income.
I'm drunk still and I cried and now I'm watching Whitney Houston singing the national anthem and I'm crying more
I have seen you puke and 5 mins later rock my world. So there is hotness there that average people will never see..
We need to feng shui this bitch.
Randomize
