hahhahahha. mid doggie-style, i faked an asthma attack. the sex was that bad
she moved to the other side of town, do you realize how far i gotta walk to get a blow job???
I'm glad you trust me to be your sex stat keeper.
I just discovered the Reese's pieces and sourdough bread sandwich. No signs of coming down.
Potato salad is not cupcake ingredient
And on the seventh day, God carefully sculpted your cock to fit perfectly into my masterpiece of a vagina. Then he rested. Look it up.
I have a callous on the palm of my hand just below my ring finger that is entirely from opening so many beer bottles. I'm strangely proud right now.
But seriously who drew a dick on a tortilla and nailed it to the door?
I found out Naomi Campbell and I have the same birthday and I feel like that explains so much
This is the third year in a row that Mario has fallen through a table on New Years. I'm sensing a tradition developing.
that was the most beautifully crafted sentence ive ever read that involved the phrase "genitals or whatever"
I can't even be mad at customs in houstons airport anymore for missing my flight and having to stay overnight. Within an hour of meeting we did it at her place. Her last word being "glad I could show you real southern hospitality". I'm definitely coming back here someday
easy for you to say. you're not the one who has to explain why you woke up with a pineapple and a used condom.
It's confirmed. I have two dates on Saturday, and they are both named Mike.
Oh god I found a set of car keys in my pocket, and I have no idea who's they are
Randomize
