Did u know that at any givin time there r 46,948,952 drunk people in the world? Were not alone
im holly from the hills drunk
all you kept yelling was "i'm bored and i'm sober"
let me put this in terms we both understand. he was the crunchwrap supreme of men--the perfect combo of all things manly, gooey and delicious. and ready for instant enjoyment.
I made him ride the giant pony statue in my friends little sisters room before i let him get in the bed.
Just woke up from a dream where you lived in a gingerbread house on a snowy cliff by the sea. The dolphins were swimming away from a giant dust storm. You REALLY ought to smoke this before bed tonight.
You lured him into the bathroom with a trail of jello shots, then proceeded to barricade the door with duct tape. You really should have thought that one through..
Do you think you're physically and mentally capable of killing me? Because I'd really appreciate it.
I didn't know what happened last night until the bruises in the shape of hands showed up on my boobs. Then it all made sense.
You tried to bite my nipple like 3 times
NAh son
Just general bites
So my quick shower turned into a "lay in the shower and let the hot water reign over you because you are too hungover to wash your hair" shower. I'll be there closer to 1:30!
They sleep with other people as long as there is no oral. Logic and reason were thrown out the window a long time ago with them.
I just explained my sex life to the "if you give a moose a muffin" book... Is that weird?
Eating pizza in the bath tub while watching a romantic comedy alone. I reached a new level of single.
I didn’t eat all day. Got really drunk at a bruins game and puked in a random dunkies cup on the T
If that doesn’t scream I’m from New England, I don’t know what does
Randomize
