dude why did you let me call her?!
i told you it was a bad idea and to quote you exactly, you said "no, it's a good idea..that's what people do when they love each other." you met her 15 minutes prior to that conversation...
Being this Hungover on Easter has brought my closer to Jesus... I swear he had to feel shitty like this after coming back from the dead
Hes still not moving. At what point does 'hungover' become 'hospital-time?'
Homeless guy on the metro is drinking beer out of a coke bottle. Hello friend.
Just walked in on my older brother getting a bj. He told the girl to "keep going" and then attempted to high five me
I kinda wanna eat your hands right now.
Put down the everclear and go to bed.
How do I tell a friend I drunkenly broke into his house and may have lost his dog
walk of shame to my ortho appointment. kids are staring. this little girl just asked her mom if she can havr glitter in her hair too.
You can't just take out your bong for hits in public places... That's what pipes are for. You've got to be stealthier.
No, it's okay because this is the city of trees.
YOU'VE ALREADY BEEN BUSTED MORE THAN ONCE. THAT'S NOT A VALID EXCUSE FOR BONG HITS IN COFFEE GARDEN
I woke up to a quacking alarm clock and a rando in my bed. I told him I liked his cargo shorts. Fireball is not my soulmate anymore.
I can't wait to get home and brush the fuck outta my teeth.
Literally.
I threw up off of your balcony and it must have been loud because the dog downstairs went insane.
How ya feelin sunshine?
Like a million dollars! ... That has been hit by a bus, drowned under water and beat repeatedly by a shovel.
Why didn't we pregame for this?
Because it's breakfast!?!
I'm legitimately the first person in the United States to successfully shave their balls with a Razer Blade of a sword and fully admitt it. I'm honestly smoother then a 10 year old.
Randomize
