great time with ya sorry i wasn't one of the three guys you wanted to stay with
dude just tell them you don't wear clothes. they'll understand
I closed that bar. Sang every Beatles song in the book. Made Somoan friends.
it got awkward when she realized that our nickname for her was "The Hambeast"
Ok. In one sink is a hairdrier. Still plugged in. The other is filled with broken glass. What do I do?!
Nvm. Bloody hand trumps dead. Also, where is gauze.
good, we got high then went swimming. shelly forgot to keep swimming so we tied her to the ladder in the shallow part with her bikini top.
Wanna tell me why vodka seeped out of the memory foam when I climbed into my bed?
Just had flashback to me showering u with stir fry as u rythed on the floor
Every grown women needs to pee herself once in her life. It builds character.
i'm scootering my little heart out so i'm not late for a weed pickup. this is the meaning of adolescence
Btw I'm already known as the drunk roommate. Don't know if that's a success or a failure seeing as it hasn't even been a week since I've been here
If you can't accept me drawing a Santa hat on your penis then we can't be friends
Slept at my ex's best friends house while my ex was locked out and I walked by him sleeping in his car this am
Jk probs not coming. Tequila
As a friend tho, you have the biggest dick I've ever seen
Randomize
