you were so drunk when the pizza guy got there you told him that you didn't have any money and would trade him the pizza for 3 Porno movies and he totally did it. I may never have to pay for pizza again
My entire floor is waiting for the couple to come out of the shower. She's a screamer. We've blockaded them
I'm blazed about to take my 8am final. Another girl is too. We just looked each other in the eyes. She's my soul sister.
I never thought that taking apart multiple age 5 and under puzzles would be part of my house party clean up process.
Yeah, sorry about that. I just couldn't stop.
He's almost as awesome as vicodin.
Can i tell him you said that? Cuz i know that means a lot coming from you
I awoke this morning to a naked boyfriend flying a remote controlled shark around his apartment. This is my life.
I feel like if Miami and New Jersey fucked each other and produced a baby that would summarize the bar I'm in.
I just took a shower and found half a cookie melted under my boob. Please tell me there's a reason
Apparently drunk me was getting hit on and i wasn't into it so i shouted "Stupify" at him like i was fucking harry potter then went to the pizza place next to the bar and punted some guys pizza box out of his hands. :(
Im not coming back to that place until im drunk. If I walk in there sober Ill start screaming uncontrollably. Not words, just sounds.
Is it bad that I'm tindering right now? I'm naked on his couch while he's slaving over legal documents for work. And he doesn't have cable, so what else am I supposed to do?
So, I have realized that I am kryptonite for married men. I'm not sure how to feel about this sober, but drunk me accepts her destiny.
my nose is crying tears of wow.
Ain't no cockblock like hearing the word"HOOODOOORR!" shouted from the bedroom floor while in the middle of sex.
i just wanna know who wrote "dibbz" on my ass?
Randomize
