its been so long since i'vebeen laid i've forgotten what a penis looks like. When a guy makes me hot i picture him finishing the job by whipping a multi-setting showerhead out of his pants.
You know you're true friends when you can talk about what sexual diseases you may or may not have.
i got excepted to unl lol
You mean "accepted".
I can't believe all I ate yesterday was half a turkey sandwich and 20 finger licks of exctasy.
Hey man, did I leave the bottom drawer to my refrigerator that I had beer in at your house by any chance?
Dude give me 4 good reasons we shouldn't trade girlfriends tonight
Alosmot hir two of of mt mailanoxwa
Oh Jesus.
You were on the drunk bus swinging around on the pole when you decided you were hungry, so you pulled half a bagel out of your pants and ate it. Everyone stared at you, dumbfounded as to where it came from, and cheered
Fried chicken is a must. Do strippers eat fried chicken or should I plan on something else?
My roommate just walked in with a case of beer locked himself in his room and told us he was going to masturbate his feelings away...
I spent half an hours grinding with a drunk Harry Potter cosplayer at the con rave. Pretty sure I felt his wand.
You had a good week dude, you bought a motorcycle and a beer bong with ur parents money, missed 2 classes, and ran from security twice, good first 2 days to college
The bouncer just called me magically delicious... apparently I'm a lucky charm. hollllleeeerrrr!
Don't send me pics of cunning dicks while I'm eating potato chips
So I just accidentally joined a bar crawl and got a free shotski of Jameson. I love life.
Randomize
