Just watched a guy fight a garbage can then pee on it, screaming "I told you to listen to me the first time!!" San Francisco, I've missed you.
Will you come get her? She's trying to get the pizza guy into the bathtub.
Its funny how you denied every part of the text except " you hate fat ppl"
All I remember was after sex she kept trying to take pictures of my dick "for memories"
Either there is a god and he hates masturbation, or one of my roommates stole my vibrator while I was in the shower.
I'm sure me singing - rather loudly - "fuck me in the back seat" last night didn't help either.
Currently studying Econ, while waiting outside current booty call's residence for him to return from the strip club. This is your fault.
It's a whole movie about Joseph Gordon-Levitt watching porn and having sex... I NEED to own it..
How do I go about this? "Hey, its my birthday in 40 minutes. Would you like to come over for some sex? Also, please bring snacks"?
If you kill yourself you won't get to feel that feeling when you have a good shit in the morning. Arent you gonna miss that?
Never underestimate the power of loudly proclaiming you want to make out with someone
What's the best day of the week to potentially find out you're pregnant with your ex's baby?
I told him I want him to read me my Miranda rights while he's fucking me. Act exactly like he does while he's on duty except with his dick out.
just saw a kid waiting at the door of the stairs for the elevator. there is no elevator in this building. get on his level.
It's a combination of amazing uncoordination, bad luck, and sheer determination to cause destruction wherever I go.
Randomize
