I'm going to get drunk on champagne by myself.
Oh no wait my cat's here. Thank god for a second there I sounded really sad.
That's what happens when you let Keystone Light make your decisions.
She said she had a thing for dinosaurs. Come get me now
Our kitchen sink faucet is leaking, so I set a pitcher under it to catch water for Kool-Aid tomorrow rather than turn on the faucet. The environment owes me.
GOING OUT OF BUSINESS: we're having a foreclosure party tonight...We'll also be raffling off a washer/dryer, microwave and a white tiger head.
she got to the point every few minutes she checked to see if her boobs were still there.
We're gonna have horrible, horrible babies.
Porch rule of tonight: when you sing, you must use "something" as a microphone. The person to use the most "creative" object gets the door prize...so far Stephie is winning with Jennifer's dog.
So I had sex in a bulldozer lastnight now that's definitely a first...
I'm not saying I haven't been that drunk. I'm just saying I haven't been that drunk and then have cops buy me shots.
Did I really drink that whole bottle of Jack Daniels last night?
Heroically.
If you fall asleep, my vagina and I will never forgive you.
I mean I know I'll get over it by like tonight but ew ew eww. I cannot. Dude I don't even know his name also I threw up on his penis
we f'd six times
f'd?
its sunday, i cant say fucked
I'm sorry for chipping my tooth on your vagina last night :(
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