so after all day drinking, we went to an all u can eat crab place and i was going from table to table surveying the crowd if they though the crab i was carrying around looked like the flying dog from never ending story...what the hell is wrong with me?
I told her I had to go to work this morning, got fully dressed in a suit, walked her out, drove around the block, parked, and walked right back in my apt and went back to sleep..
Covered in glitter and dick. 2010 feels a lot like 2009.
I found it funny that her boobs actually kinda felt like a bag of sand. the 40 year old virgin should feel better about himself.
Sitting here wishing there were men in my life.
me too. too bad ive decided to fill that hole with cookie dough, closing the door to future men one fat cell at a time.
two fat guys on crotch rockets just invited me to 'party' with them at a del taco. why does this keep happening to me?
You dislocated his arm and then bought him two shots to numb the pain while you pushed it back in
My backyard is filled with beer cans. You idiots turned our backyard into a redneck ball-pit
Help everyone's hot
Men are hot women are hot non-binary people are hot aliens are hot
Who the fuck gets injured on a merry-go-round? HOW IS IT POSSIBLE??
You let someone poor beer into my mouth off of a balcony. Best friend test failed.
Haahahahahahhaaa
I behisseth at your soul from the deepest darkest depths of the earth
IT'S LIKE LOOKING INTO GOD'S VAGINA!!!!
Lost and found: pink cotton underwear next to my bed and soaking wet Reebok socks or boxers in a plastic bag...in my fridge🤔
well i blew him then my wife blew him, so im guessing we'll be seeing him around, yeah
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