all I remember was being half naked drinking water on my hands and knees from her dogs water bowl.
So I thought I was doing pretty good and then I sneezed and prematurely ejaculated...
He was a bulldog and my face was like rare meat. Never again with the drunken ones.
You swear the intervention is for her? I've fallen for that one twice.
They have chocolate covered tequila candy at work. This is not a drill. May be drunk by noon.
u r missing out we r watching a tranny direct traffic in a gstring
Your first words after putting out the flames, "how am I supposed to eat girls out with my top lip burned off??"
Yeah no more flaming everclear shots.
I beat my mom's friend's boyfriend in a vodka chugging competition. Our generation FTW.
He's basically me if I was an 8-yr-old boy. It's like looking into a pudgy terrifying mirror
Getting drunk and throwing things at people isnt the same with you not here. Remember when you dislocated my elbow and then popped it back in in one motion?
Making cookies for neighbors. Spill beer all over dough. Bake anyways. From good neighbors back to the shitty college kids next door in under 3 seconds.
Out of all the things you could eat off of my tits you choose lettuce? Thats so healthy. Yuck.
I was alternating between saying "yall need Jesus" and "God bless" the entire night
I have need of you to return home with haste, as I require the magical capsules you possess to relieve the posterior pain I am living. I battle this demon with stubborn grit, however I feel that defeat is on the horizon.
i havent showered for 4 days and i just made my dog smell my arm pit. also, im stoned.
Randomize
