Do you ever creep on the girls you have banged and wondered how their walk of shame went?
Too late. I'm going over there. I'm a bad example for all women: Do as I say, not who I do.
No, i know about the eggs and penis, the oh wow was for the fire
There's banana everywhere and your hamster may or may not have stayed the night in the microwave...
apparently i saved myself a memo last night titled "cake" and all it says is "i love it so much"
I vaguely remember you trying to make me a casserole with marshmallows and a can of beer.
I just puked so hard I pissed myself. Outta my ass. I just won hangover of the century.
Remember when I asked you to make sure I didn't go home with anything less than a 6 last night? You're fired
Its alot like that time you got motorboated by the carni at the rodeo.
Let me get this straight, you're telling me to lower my standards? Even though last week you told me I don't have any..?
Was having relations of the behind variety with my girlfriend. Based on where we were at I could see myself in the bathroom mirror. You know I did the Patrick Bateman point and wink at the mirror and turned on sissudio by Phil Collins.
That was the second worst thing to happen to my asshole.
I got my period during my acid trip. It was weird.
Just got hit on via LinkedIn..do I capitalize on this opportunity/land a job or reply something sassy
I'm not gonna lie, but for some reason I have this strong desire to watch porn with my pint of haagen das.
Randomize
