We will have to stop frequently for food, stretching legs, interesting things on the side of the road, and sex. So you might as well eat.
you need to know that there is a kid here wearing an i mosh for Jesus shirt
No one knows who he is but he hasn't missed a shot in beer pong yet. He's dressed as lance armstrong and is tearing shit up.
She's pissed. She declared she was moving out and proceeded to pack 3 pairs of shoes, her electric wine opener and ONE sock. Then told us to have fun paying her portion of the rent.
you say it like running around in your thong wasted is a bad thing
I held his ankles while he hung off the top bunk attempting to get my pillow that fell off.
Slurping strawberries throug a straw. It feels like the kool-aid man is coming in my mouth.
Confirmed. Vegetarians give terrible head.
Having my alarm go off at 3:30 makes me wanna rip my dick off and shove it through my eye socket
I don't know if trying Molly for the first time before my flight was an awesome or aweful idea
multitasking: i'm now sitting up and smoking my joint.
The only way I'll cross anything off my to do list today is if I write 'eat melted cheese' on it
Clearly I was drunk when I met them I gave them a muffin. But they sure remembered me
You've slept with someone mentioned in the NY Times, that officially makes you the most famous person I know.
Vodka, MiraLAX and Gatorade are perfect for the night before a colonoscopy
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