HIV tests are more positive than that guy
apparently when i got back to tyler's i layed face down on the bed and yelled "don't hurt my asshole!"
I now officially know the distance between my two boobs is one twizzler.
This last weekend single handedly took me off the liver transplant list
The weird kid in front of me is reading an article titled "why don't i have a girlfriend?" the article then continues to talk about the mathematical equation for obtaining a girlfriend. exhibit a of why he is single
So I paid for the taxi using pennies and hair clips, no need to thank me.
A talk about Arizona woman's rights politics has never turned to sex so quickly before.
A kid in my class today just asked if we have class on the 17th, then announced that he couldn't go anyways because it was the day after his 21 and he was going to be too hungover
scratch that I can tell you where she is shes drunk on a beach somewhere being a penis slayer
My liver and my bank account can't afford another all nighter. Help.
I knew I was in trouble when she kept referring to the next day as things we should do
So you brought her to my house and left her on my couch.
Rob and I are cross faded and the only one taking care of us is a drunk person who's making us dance.
I think I fell asleep on the dance floor at one point...but played it off cool and acted like I just did the robot.
I'm not gonna swipe right, he has better hair than me. Just no.
On the way home she told me she was in kindergarten when 9/11 happened
Randomize
