Plus she can make a mean sandwich! That's all I really need. Well that and foot jobs...
I'm sorry. Both for you two breaking up and because I just ate some of your cheez it's.
Well I'm glad to hear the fight wasnt over his small dick.
Having a pigeon watch you poop is just creepy. Drunk or not.
They don't exactly give out small business loans to start-up dealers
Shame tastes like burnetts and latex
Ok. Here's the plan. Take your hand (whichever is closest), summon all your nerve, and just stick it right down his pants.
I love you.
Opening beer with my teeth is getting easier the drunker I become.
It turns out my teeth are bleeding.
It's just unfortunate. She's a 28 year old woman who looks as if a pelican and ET had a baby. With braces.
My fridge is empty and all of my food is in the bathtub. Just.. Why?
What's Spanish for "I shouldn't have worn these underwear to work?"
Wow. The LSU Tennessee game is on here and the LSU cheerleaders are stupid hot. Its weird having a hard on. At a bar. On a Wednesday. By yourself.
It's sad that I'm more proud of my Twitter account then my resume
Made him watch 4 hours of HGTV then told him I was too tired for sex.
Savage
I just came in my own mouth don't ask me how cuz it really hurt and felt good at the same time.
Randomize
