so that girl updated her facebook status as "had the worst night ever last night"
um, i could be wrong but i think it might've had something to do with mark drunkenly screaming about her unibrow right in front of her
Just had perfomance review. I was told the best example of my integrity was when I told my boss I was going to fail the random drug test due to my weekend coke binge. She said that took a lot of character.
i mean, i stole her boyfriend and beat her snake score on facebook within 48 hours. not her week.
you grabbed the waitors dick and yelled '2nd base' and then he gave you his number. I hate your life.
Ok just don't go to jail. I saw your account balance. It can't take that.
That little tingle vodka gives me in my esphagus is what lets me know I'm still alive.
You haven't lived until you've watched a retriever try to bring back the condom you just threw in its master's garbage
The plan is that you eat an edible first, then pressure your dad to do one. You know you are down.
THE STRIPPER HAD A GUN JOHN!
I just woke up drenched in beer, in a puddle of beer, and cuddling a bottle of tequila
You would critique a dick pic. Damn art people.
Walking actually physically hurts. We should do it again some time.
Thought for a game. Duck, Duck, Grey Goose. If you're tapped, you take a shot. Then proceed as normal.
well, shes hot as hell, but she does keep saying she's the president of the loch ness monster's fan club, so that's kinda a red flag...
condom fairy costume came in handy...we were making out in my living room and he wanted it so i took a condom off the costume and we did it right there...with my tutu still on....
Randomize
