$35 all you can drink last night. Friend 1 woke up in a hotel lounge, friend 2 pissed himself and woke up wearing friend 1's spare pants, and my toilet indicates I threw up extensively.
After going down on me he either said "there, it's over" or "there's an odor"... I couldn't hear him and was too embarrassed to ask him to repeat himself. I just got dressed, grabbed my bag, and left. So I don't think there's gunna be a second date. =(
his roommates stood outside the locked door reading bible verses to us the whole time...
This guy just came in and told me how he bought a clock for his cat so his cat can know when he's coming home...
dude i woke up to her making a statue of my morning wood for her sculpture class. HOW THE FUCK do you think i feel about her?
So drunk can't even tell it's my own house. WOaoOw.
I don't think I own any pants that haven't seen his bedroom floor anymore...
I just discovered the Reese's pieces and sourdough bread sandwich. No signs of coming down.
I was preparing to do my walk of shame shirtless, but then I found my sweater, wallet and keys neatly piled under a tree in the park.
How do you not remember?? She kept putting a dollar on her waistband and insisting it was all you can eat under a dollar
I just sneezed and margarita mix and ash came out of my nose. I love jersey
My liver appreciates your vow of avoiding matrimony
I jizzed in his mayonnaise and put it back in the fridge. Shouldn't have stolen my weed.
You fist bumped my dick last night saying good game. That you'll be back for the 2nd game...
i woke up with blood and cuts on my face and i don't remember anything after winning four games of beer pong in a row last night. and i'm still drunk.
you are a true champion. bear my children.
Randomize
