TXT her NOW! The phone is actually IN her Va-Jay-Jay!!
i just saw a man dusting the fake palm trees at the mall
...welcome to nebraska
Tip #47, don't trim the bush when you have the shakes!
then she came back into the room with a neckbrace on. i thought she was getting ready for the pounding of a lifetime.
I think the phrase "baptist college" should be an oxymoron.
My night sucks. It's really hard to masturbate with a broken finger.
It was awkward being the only one at the wedding who knows that the bride and groom met when she gave him a lap dance at a strip club
nothing like baby laughter to ruin a masturbation moment
So, your gf couldn't walk up the stairs without your help, but she could knit you a scarf?
I think the fact that the scarf was made out of dental floss should be taken into account.
I feel that my cleavage set an unattainably high bar for 2013.
Oh okay well are you handling the "just sex part" like a professional hooker like I taught you?
I think we've gotten passed awkward... the day I woke up at the palms and ur getting eaten out by the dude who just fucked me on the balcony.
First day back to class and I have already pulled out the hard liquor
Hey I'm at the gym and I need your personal trainer help. Also can you send me that picture of me eating a sausage. I want to post it on instgram.
I had to put my dog down, accidentally outed my brother, and was given a fucking fish sandwich instead of a Big Mac ALL IN ONE DAY! Am I really the person you want to consult for advice? Hhhmmmmmm?
Randomize
