that sweater is a total boner killer. you might as well be wearing a wedding dress.
I have a great idea. you just need to get pregnant.
Mother, no, i will not talk about this again. Please stop planning my unborn daughters life. I will not put her in pagents. That is trashy. Stop watching toddlers in tiaras. It is also trashy. I love you.
everybody makes mistakes
i didn't know they allowed you to text in ambulances
I was just counting ceiling tiles when he ate me out, it was that bad.
His ankle bracelet went off in the middle of sex. That makes a girl reevaluate her life...
Everyone threw up but him. I took off my shirt because I puked on it. There were also a lot of drag queens involved.
i mean, i offered you kinky, jungle themed sex. i don't know what else you want from me
That doesn't mean I'm a slut. Unless McFlurries are involved.
I will rub McFlurries all over you.
Wearing the same clothes for three days in a row and eating an entire two pound bag of jelly beans really has a way of making a person rethink their life...
I pretty much told him I was too sober for this an just walked away and all I heard was "IT'S BECAUSE IM A BAD KISSER ISN'T IT" OVER AND OVER AGAIN
Drunk packed a lunch. Made two turkey sandwiches and threw in a bag of raw bacon. Gold star for the day drunk self.
Nothing says "Hello, Adulthood!" quite like receiving a dick photo at 11AM from a guy you haven't heard from since fifth grade.
Nipple rings and loofahs DO NOT mix.
That said I did get head on the roof of a 15 story building which, regardless of quality, is still cool
Idk I've taught my 18 month old how to say nipple so kids aren't all bad
Randomize
