Just saw a car with license plate GYPSYS that was full of gypsies
i was just texting to let you know that my facebook chat is working again so you can talk to me more. please talk to me more.
i had to pay fifty dollars for throwing up in the limo, 60 fucking dollars to throw up all over myself
NO YOU'RE NOT. I don't want to hear that SHIT. Jameson appreciation day part 1 is saturday and YOU WILL BE READY.
My uncrustable is thawing in my straightener
He stopped replying so I told him I got tested and it came back positive for chlamydia to see if he replied. His phone magically works again!
Just got 20% off at the liquor store. How you ask? I asked if there was an "I got divorced today" discount.
This hobo said he can't buy alcohol bc he got in trouble bc a girl sat on his face when he was passed out and misaligned his spine and gave him Alzheimer's so Ali is buying him a bottle. This is Vegas.
I'm texting you the word "cockring" because I feel it hasn't been said enough throughout our friendship.
Hey its me your friend who impressed the pharmacist by already knowing the generic version of plan b by name
We have a vagina exchange agreement. Neither of us can hook up with any of our own law firm's summer associates. So we have a scout and referral program and invite each other to the other firm's summer events. Criss-cross!! Works every summer.
So worth it. Come over for bacon egg cheese vusquit later. 12. I slept with Jimmy? On my period? And told him he had mother issues? No tequila. Tequila bad.
I cant go through life without knowing what ginger pubes actually look like
I just matched with a taco on tinder. Dreams come true.
I am at 99 matches in less than 24 hours, I need a tinder rehab program
Randomize
