I don't think ill make it tonight the floor wont let me walk
I'm so drunk I cant read cursive anymore.
if she shaves her mustache, i'll let her give me head
She said if it slipped out one more time she was going to duct tape it in her vagina
there's a girl in the library on mysapce. she must have missed the memo.
His mom just described him as a manipulative, deceitful bastard -- oddly I still want him
Petty good. I just stapled a 5 dollar bill onto the chest of a sword swallower.
On the one year anniversary of me loosing my virginity... thousands of people will be taking their pants of on subways all around the world
It's like a tribute to you being a slut
He will. He has no choice. What's he gonna do? Find a better fuck buddy? We both know that's not possible. I'm the ideal friend with benefit. Minus snoring and uneven tits.
When my parents ask if I met any nice guys in California, I'm going to answer, "No, but I have gone home with alot of nice girls". Too much, too soon?
Being a slave to ur dick is exhausting.
What, I can't laugh at my sister being driven crazy by Facebook randomly assigning chat significance to the guy she lost her virginity to?
Does he know you were at a strip club taking shots of tequila right before you babysat his son?
You spent the whole night conversing with your zombie poster, so I'd say you were pretty far gone.
i woke up with a shamrock tattoo on my wrist and a fat bruise on my hipbone. please tell me its not real.
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