im letting my talent of no gag reflex go to waste
It's one of the reasons i'm here, along with emotional support, physical support if you need it, and power orgasms.
New plan, instead of sleeping with her, I'm just going to use her to sleep with the entire sorority.
Lives are in shambles. Livers are in disrepair. Our friend was missing for 2 days. His brother slept in a porta potty. God damn you college world series
Just heard my neighbor say "I'm just gonna lay down in a coma until someone comes into my room and hands me a beer." He's got his priorities straight
besides i was ending his dry spell. it's written in the bible that jesus likes that right?
I hope my tampon is in his bed. That'll teach him. Happy new years btw
There are two types of people in this world I don't trust: people who collect stamps, and people who don't drink
I just learned my tits were fire resistant. I should join the freakin circus
I'm told I threw my cigarettes at the TV one by one Shouting about the cast of Community.
I used my iced coffee to ice the bump on my head from last night
We drove through Taco-Bell on our way to the ER
Shut up. The only friend I need in life is Jim Beam because life is meaningless.
we're so committed to being not committed
If I don't answer right away it's because I took an Adderall and the fridge needs cleaned.
Randomize
