Latenightwjoannablackberrywontletmespaceitknowsimdrunk
You told the cops that they couldn't arrest you because they weren't hot enough to fuck
He made a note in his iPhone tonight so that he would remember that I rejected him.
Listen, Pinot Grigio got me pregnant. It can get you a boyfriend.
I apologize for forcing you to look at my boob when we were high. It was uncalled for
The plan is to make enough mistakes this weekend to hold me over until spring break
You ad-libbed two DETAILED rounds of price is right, 1 wheel of fortune, and 1 deal or no deal.... by yourself with sound effects and music included
if i got ashes i think they'd burn a hole into my head with the amount of sins i've committed this year alone and it's only february
Yeah. I had to take off my shirt. It's soaked in weakness.
Who'd have thought a guy with a lisp would be so good with his tongue?
i just told him to get ready, because I'm going to be taking out my anger over the Super Bowl out on his penis.
with the way the semester is going, being a stripper is starting to sound better and better everyday
You thought her boot was a stray dog in your house..
Yes ma'am. I'm attracted to unconventional people, you know that.
True. I can't judge, half of my sexual partners I only know a false first name & a number. We all have our kinks.
Our conversation went from you choking me to my quarter life crisis reeeaaalllll quick.
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