I walked in on my roommate finishing watching something on his computer. There was cum all over his screen. He awkwardly said hi and pulled up his pants.
Just got arrested at PF changs. Happy New year, China
he was sobbing,drinking his beer, all while confessing his love for her. awkward was an understatement...
The Firefighter Games are going to be in Tampa the same weekend I am. I think God is answering my vagina's prayers.
While at warped tour today a girl was crowd surfing and her vagina landed in my face, I call that a successfull day.
I dont know how to respond to your rave picture. I mean yeah, he's hot, but it just seems wrong to be like "Please tell me you fucked that guy with the pacifier!"
Throwing up in the car while my mom drives, sister holds the bag & my dad holds my hair. This is how my family bonds.
There's a homeless man outside the bar. I have a toothbrush and toothpaste in my car. I think i'm going to give them to him. And they said drinking is bad.
You're so thoughtful.
You know I found it really difficult to find a full lenght picture for the egg donor site where I wasn't holding any alcohol...
you taught an eight year old how to shotgun a half pint of chocolate milk, that's all i'm saying
He's sweet and rough. A wonderful contradiction. He's the starburst of sex.
THE CEO RESPONDED TO THE MEMO WITH HIS "UNICORN" EMAIL ADDRESS AND NOW HE'S APOLOGIZING TO EVERYONE FOR USING HIS PERSONAL EMAIL AT WORK.
the texts you sent will act as the rosetta stone for all drunk people
Even though I'm gonna be a felon I'm having fun for time being.
It's OK, I woke up in a drag queen's bed last weekend. It took me forever to get the glitter out of my cleavage.
Randomize
