Woke up in a closet. I'm not drinking till summer.
Do you think it would be a good idea to mention in my admissions essay that I was the guy that streaked across the soccer field last year?
You act like this is the first time I literally thought I was invisible.
I scrubbed the bathroom, smoked a bowl, and gave myself 3 orgasms. If the world ends today, I feel accomplished.
congratulations to me i think I am on the road to legitimate alcoholism
cool. same. I'm in class drinking
NOT OKAY
sorry for partying
THATS NOT PARTYING THATS DRINKING IN CLASS
I pulled some girls weeve trying to pull the stop cord on the bus
Just got a groupon for a segway rental: fireworks segway battle at my house. What say you?
Successfully masturbated while balancing on an exercise ball. my greatest accomplishment?
Probably
Come get me we have a petting zoo to throw up in.
Those drunk pictures you took of me? My mom is showing those to my grandparents.
All I remember is sitting on your kitchen floor and playing with a banana like it was a viking ship.
I just remember lots of butts and something about ranch dressing.
He's giving me the absolute bare minimum amount of attention. Like whatever motherfucker, I've had like six super likes on tinder today
This is the best thing we've done since that time we started a religion
Shut up. You had me at killer robots. Your place or mine?
Randomize
