Boner jamz table deep. plus bar deep. wiing waing.
"you've got the devil in yuh. the curse of Jesus is coming on your sex soon." That's what a homeless guy just told me.
i got kicked out of Barns and Nobles cuz i put all the bibles in the fiction section
So some girl kept staring at me and giving me these weird looks. That's when I realized she could probably hear the Mulan soundtrack playing on my iPod...
She referred to her collection of sex toys as an "arsenal." I'm not sure whether to be scared or excited....
there's no food at this bar, but i'm pretty sure vodka is made of wheat so i'm basically drinking bread.
say it with me now .. the "golden" penis. his nickname does not disappoint.
getting up at 8am to start drinking seemed like a much better idea before I had to wake up at 8am
Unfortunately hes not a hipster douchebag with no life goals, so naturally I'm not interested.
I got laxative. And a toothbrush. Because who wants to buy just laxative on a Friday night?
I can wear a rubber suit at three am and spank someone's ass until its sore and fuck them three ways from Sunday. And get up the next day and do their laundry. As long as once in awhile they rub my back without expecting anything
She asked for references to decide whether she wanted to have sex with me. And she was serious.
looked it up online and zoo tickets are only 20 bucks and there's also a museum of science close to the hotel.
i'm not going to a FUCKING museum. i want to be wasted and possibly double penetrated... have you EVER been on vacation?
HANDS OFF UNTIL AFTER I DO BUTT STUFF WITH HIM.
Have you had an orgasm with an n95 mask on yet? It was better than being choked.
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