Never write on a napkin "my face, your boobs" with your phone number and give it to a girl. Just a tip of the day from my nightly experiences lol.
We need to hang out more often
apparently the 911 operator took drunk dialing waaayy too seriously
I would give up sex for lent, but I think Jesus would understand that I went too long without it to go back now.
found a naked boy completely buried under a pile of her clothes and terrified...she says she was "saving him for later"
you were fixing your hair in the bathroom mirror and then fell backwards through the locked stall while she was in mid pee and fell on her lap.
French fry pizza
Are you brilliant or just really high?
Can't it be both?
Before I left he insisted on serenading me with a ukalele. I might be a little bit in love
Theres either a bag of coke in my pocket or a bag of anthrax, either way last night got way to serious
Yeah, you're right, it's a conspiracy against you. This small tight knit group of people who don't like assholes.
how many times have i told you.. they dont like when you laugh during sex
I was totally pumped and so was my beard
He's interpretive dancing to Crazy by Britney Spears and expressing his feelings for either me or the guy next to us
He stopped mid thrust ... To check snap chat .. From his roomie
Potholders are an underrated garment. Especially naked.
You literally asked him, “Do you come here often? Do you want to visit my vagina?” With no hesitation
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