plans for tonight: dress up like pirates, drink a bottle of mad dog and watch the sorostitues across the street get naked. and yes, the mad dog part is already in play. hurry the fuck up. i look like a loser doing this alone.
I really hope your girlfriend didnt have your phone while i texted how much i loved doing it in HER car with you :x
I'm sitting at the bar eating dinner next to a nerd, a guy in a 10 gallon hat, and a policeman. I feel like I joined The Village People
I am the Bobby Fisher of drunk asss puking
we just pregamed for our presentation... gotta love group bonding
Just took the worst coed shower ever. We both cried. AND I only shaved one leg.
Last night, I accomplished the impossible. I pissed while riding my bicycle home without pissing all over myself. My Dutch friends gave me a round of applause and said I was now the king of holland.
Found the puke drawer
You gave me your shirt to use as a napkin every time I spilled beer on myself. Before we went to the bar.
Everything was cool till you started pissing while standing at the bar
Speaking of, what are you doing next weekend? I'm going to a rope bondage seminar and may need a partner if my date bails.
He was publicly touching my boobs before I even knew he's a famous World Cup skier.... That's how hot he was
That same damn squirrel keeps staring at me like I did something wrong. Nature knows when you're hung over.
I have all the porn. Be there soon
Who is this?
I need to go to St. Louis more often. The brides sorority sisters were practically fighting over me once they heard I work on Wall St.
Randomize
