thanks for not screaming that I'm pregnant when that guy was giving me his number.
he was chasing shots of soco with fistfuls of my birthday cake
So can you tell me who's underwear is on the cat?
i'm satisfied with the level of pretty that his new girlfriend isn't.
your dad made us margaritas and breakfast on the morning. I think it's safe to say he relives his glory days through us
I STRONGLY considered not bringing that guy home with me last night simply because I'd JUST changed my sheets that morning.
unfortunetly they frown upon drunk on duty paramedics
The only reason I'd ever want a boyfriend is so that someone would spoon feed me applesauce when I'm so hungover I can't move
Do you have any idea how horrifying it is to hear your sister and her husband fucking then immediately go down stairs only to hear your parents fucking....... I wish I was Hellen Keller right now.
My last two google searches are "shiny things" and "Ohio consent laws." you should visit more often.
We had sex and then I offered him a cookie...while he was still inside of me. Basically he's in love
WE ARE DOOMED.
And not the good kind of doomed. Assuming there is one.
it isn't the robot apocalypse that's for sure
The fact that u had sex with a Disney prince blows my mind, you're my hero.
I WANT GRASS AND TREES NOT SOMEONE SWINGING A SWORD AROUND
The thought of you trying to procreat frightenes and disgusts me!
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