Luol and I just scored with two 40 year old married chicks. They dropped us off on the way to soccer prctic. The kids in the back were confused. Call me.
There's an amish chick decked out in amish clothes on a cell phone staring at me.
Registered for next semester classes drunk. Let's hope I didn't accidently sign up for history of dinosaurs again...
i made potato chips in weed oil. what did you do today?
It feels like I've shaved away my winter coat and my vagina is going to freeze if I go outside.
I elbow dropped a bag of ice to break it so we could make margaritas. I bled everywhere. Be proud.
MASS TEXT: who ever dared Todd to suck on the Clorox wipes last night.. good goin jackass. you can come visit him, hes in room 266, AFTER hes done getting his stomach pumped.
HE DARED ME TO DARE HIM... DONT PUT THAT ON ME.
I don't know where I am and I feel like a hippo shat in my mouth. This sofa is comfy though.
And by go well you mean everyone's hammered right?
Yupp. And someone's bleeding
Life update - currently drunk off my ass in the yoga room of SFO at 5:30 in the morning.
Long story short, I found someone who takes me seriously when I say I have a Shakespeare kink.
It is 5:00PM and I'm just now putting on underwear.
Dashing through the vodka, in a tinder swiping rage, all the fuck boys get a no, laughing all the way.
you're telling me you don't want to have sex 30,000 feet above the earth?
You'd think that a rotation of two 30 year old men could keep me satisfied... WHY ISN'T THERE A MAN THAT CAN KEEP UP WITH MY HEALTHY SEXUAL APPETITE?!
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