The elaphant ear plant popped a new leaf ! Wahoo !
i got lost in a forest last night. this morning I realized the "forest" was just 6 trees on campus.
Thanks for holding onto me so I didn't fall in my pee in that parking lot. You're the best boyfriend ever.
I'm so horny
I have no idea who this is, but I'm up for a lecture on self-respect
Dude their dog does tricks for sips of beer. He keeps going up next to people and trying to shake. This is awesome.
he will always be the guy i fucked in the hallway.
I'm gonna win the lottery and buy chinchillas and tattoos for everyone
He stumbled into my room, flopped on my bed, shoes on my pillow and asked me for a juice box. Then fell asleep with the juice box on his forehead.
so I guess I made a note in my phone last night to remind myself not to do shrooms on the cruise ship
You were so drunk that you didn't even notice when I switched out your shot of jäger for a shot of maple syrup...before or after you drank it.
Did you know that pizza hut has a wedding proposal box? And sorry for being kinda drunk yesterday when you got here
Maybe you should slow down tonight...
KINGS DON'T NEED ADVICE FROM LITTLE HORN-BILLS FOR A START
I just do things that aren't classy the classy way.
the universe is starting to freak me out.. ive now had sex with 3 people who were born on the same day..
Trust me, I’ve got a sixth sense about dicks that tells me if a guy knows how to fuck and it’s tingling. You need to prove me right!
I’m not going to bang him just to confirm your Dickth Sense
The Dickth Sense!!! I love it! It’ll be our first porno!
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