On a scale of affliction to ed hardy, how douchy is in there right now?
We should takd a huggy cab to snuggle bunnyville
A squiggle pen was my first vibrator back when I was young. I would lock myself in my bedroom with that thing. Oh to be 8 again.
I'm sitting in the drive through at Mcdonalds right now watching the workers pressure wash the vomit I left from last night.
Somewhere between catching the stove on fire and not being aware of it being on fire while I'm in the living room. I drank too much.
Life lesson today, a six foot hot guy I meet at a party CANNOT fit on my bike with me.
I'm sorry that I ate boneless ribs off of your sister, but that is no reason to drink my alcohol.
hes supposed to be my fuck buddy. im not supposed to see him on his knees praying by my bed when i walk into my room.
Myy bathroom floor makes me think I'm on Mars. Also. Did you realize that yesterday we perfected thee mind high-five??
I can feel my pain tolerance has shot up right along with my libido
I wanna fuck that hideous moustache right off your face. get the confetti ready for the festivities
It will be interesting
Isn't that your life's motto?
I just fell and sprained my ankle in the shower. No, I wasn't having sex. I was doing the time warp. Again.
you were so drunk that when the mouse on your laptop didnt work anymore you decided to just take it into the bathroom and pee on it while laughing like a mad scientist.
...this is why fuck buddies should be only for grownups.
Randomize
