therell be strippers and coke right?
no strippers. just coke.
i hate this fuckin recession
I'm either going to be a Playboy Playmate or take over the world. Either way the world wins.
You were running around the house with a purple crayon asking people to call you harold..
as if moving home wasnt embarassing enough, mom picked up my laundry while i was gone. guess who needs to find a new hiding spot for his cum towel..this guy.
I have your shoes, your bike, and someones blue underwear. Round 2 tonight?
Just in case you were wondering I sent you a text at 4:37 in the morning because I woke up on the side of the highway at that time
What's great about college is that i can eat chocolate cereal for every meal and call it a money saving technique.
Is the party worth it?
I am drink. Beer pony and singing.
You kept trying to make people drink "salsa-ritas." But all you did was dump tequila in a half full jar of salsa, and shove it in people's faces while shouting at them.
I'm washing down the sadness with shots of vodka.
Your life is one shit show away from being a lifetime movie.
At this point all my Tinder matches are telling me I'll be fucking the whole male population of UMass '17.
I woke up at 5am to tell him I wanted to take his dick on la Tour de France, I might need a nap later
I didn't want to fight, I just wanted to tell you to fuckoff.
Observations from Vegas: #1. Strippers pasties pose a choking hazard. #2. Best. Heimlich. Ever.
Randomize
