this kid down the hall keeps banging on his drums...i feel like i'm living in jumanji
They had miseltoe over the keg.... thats cheating
i knew he was a douchebag when his facebook activities were "ladeis," and "gettin crunk wit ladeis"
your ability to fuck hot guys even when you go out in sweats amazes me
battery dying...get laid and text me after...or during...its whatever.
Is it inception if it feels like another uterus is going to burst out of my current uterus?
woke up in a random sweater in a random bed in a random house on a street I don't recognize..
also, I vaguely remember swapping shirts with some random guy on the dance floor.
I'm back in the dating scene now... Since the legality issue calmed down. And my stalking charges were dropped.
Right now, there's some ten year old kid getting ready to go outside and play basketball. He will soon find out his basketball hoop was no match for my car.
Swish.
All of the hungover. I've changed not showered but can't quite make it to the booze.
WE'RE IN THE RED ZONE PLAY THRU THE PAIN
I just hope the day something happens to me my phone just dies, like literally died and will never turn on ever again. I feel like God owes me that much.
You realize that if you get murdered while we're talking, I'm gonna have to explain to your next of kin why the last thing on your phone is a picture of my boobs.
if it wasn’t 100% before, it is now that i will most definitely die a quesadilla related death
Woke up next to a half eaten Philly Cheesesteak. Honestly probably one of the top 3 things I've ever woken up next to.
If my plane goes down do me a favor. Break into my house and get the batman costume and swing out of my bedroom.
Randomize
