I'm like 99% sure I made out with Kevin Spacey last night. Not good.
It's not my theme song, it's my blowjob song. There's a difference.
Just threw up in nordstroms while shopping for moms bday with dad. He distracted workers for me. No more tequila
We snorted a line of cocaine and xanax, and then played a game of Backgammon. It was surprisingly therapeutic.
And it looks like I sent you 4 failed attempts at the word "hey." Sorry about that.
not the best booty call
did she squirt?
only if tears count
Operation: sleep in every bed at the boys' house is nearing completion. Now at 5/9. I AM GOLDILOCKS AND NO ONE CAN STOP ME
I got kicked out of the bar for suggesting that the bartender drop her tits into my Redbull instead of the usual liquor
It was the night of "what the fuck have you done with my daughter and where is she" texts from mom...
All I could think about while he was going down on me was that his moustache reminded me that I want to try something new with my pubic hair.
bro your seconds weren't very sloppy last night, is everything ok?
It's sitting in bleach right now. You will be the creepiest coolest dude in my book if you made a bracelet from my tooth.
I did not know male screamers existed until now. Good for him. Good for my ego.
When my beach tent arrives , I strongly suggest quitting our jobs and becoming homeless beach drunks
he sent a dick pic to my best friends phone for me cause mine died lol pretty sure he was regretting that night outta town.
Randomize
