Just wanted to let you know that if you need my services as a male dancer for his birthday, let me kno so I can clear my schedule
he quoted Bring It On. It's over.
I just wanna be some guy's midlife crisis
Why is it people are always in costumes on Cheaters these days? Joe Greco literally just said, "It appears they get chased by a chicken with a chainsaw." WTF?
so I guess it's not okay to mix vodka and ..everything and then proceed to offer a lap dance to ...everyone.
So thanks to the xanax and vodka memory erasering combo i wake up only to reopen a picture of some very familiar balls
You insisted on drinking champagne out of the dog bowl
Wait..I think something else did happen last night my vagina is too pleased for this level of hangover..
You did profess your love for cotton multiple times and your hatred for all other fabrics
We started pregaming at 8. It's 11, and her only 11:11 wish is to be sober. It's hard to not love her.
i made the walk of shame wearing her booty shorts that said juicy on the back. i'm still counting it as a good night
That's what jaeger bombs out of teacups will do to you.
I was walking back to the dorm and was made fun of for wearing a coat. I'M SORRY I CARE ABOUT MY WELL BEING.
Just had a small freak out because I couldn't get my bra unhooked and thought I was gonna be stuck in it forever.
I know it's super late on a work night, but can you drop by and bend me over my new motorcycle? I have tequila and tacos...
Randomize
