i kno its fucked up..but id rather sleep it off than seek medical attention right now
I think my hot accountant is wearing banana republic. I miss the days when that ='ed gay. Signals are so confusing now.
I just came to the conclusion that the most depressing part of my day is when I have to put clothes on.
the trash is collected at 5:50 on mondays. i was up puking all night and heard them
Do you think girls in gamma phi sit around and think about how much they suck?
My foreign exchange student got here today. I turned on man vs. food and told her that "this is all you need to know about America."
Next time we go to the river, we nominate you to flash people for free booze. Your tits are the biggest.
There are many reasons why he shouldn't come over. And each one is longer than his penis.
there's a wings menu taped to my wall. don't tell me i don't have my priorities straight.
Sorry my moustache came off because I was face first in a layered bucket full of jello shots.
the straight edge chick smoked with me, because according to her my bowl is pretty
FUCK and YOU. times 10. To infinity and beyond. You bastard. Worst. Cockblock. Ever. I'm going to nail your sister.
On a scale of 1 to hungover I’m definitely throwing up at the office today.
He said he’s shouting let’s get this bread the first time we have sex...
He’s very straightforward
She called me at 2am crying because her late night booty call moved out of state
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