my mom just threw water on me to get me awake and is screaming "where is my fucking car?!"
you gave me a ride last nite what the hell did you do with it after you left me?
eating mexican with the mother in law. this meal made her decide to tell us about her colon cleansing diet
walkin home..,.jsut saw the cheshire cat
watch out for the queen of hearts
fuucck i forgot ab her
I think we should see other people.
Already working on it.
oh fat girl friday strikes again...
The worst mistakes make the best memories. Write that down.
do you know how hard it is to pee with a pumpkin in the toilet ?
Soo time for a life change, my 6 yr old sister made my gf a puke bucket for her birthday
and everything will be beautiful and nothing will hurt and we will eat nachos
What are you talking about?! I shot gunned a monster while simaltaneously blowing gym boy Todd. If I'm not the poster child for being well rounded and versatile I have no idea what NYU is looking for
Whoever put the picture of my dad in the condom box is an asshole
bad night - i tried for naughty librarian but could only manage to pull off pissed off barrista.
And I just realized we will be at a strip club when the end of the world is supposed to happen. This is destiny
How are you feeling?
Hungover as shit. Someone just knocked on my window to make sure I was alive. I have been sleeping in the drivers seat for an hour parked outside my store. That is how okay I am.
if I start to respond to these political texts with a middle finger emoji - do you think they will get the hint?
Randomize
